


Questions and Free Will

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Anna, Angelic Grace, Anna-centric, Bible, Biblical References, Canon Compliant, Christianity, Crisis of Faith, Fallen Angel Anna, Fallen Angels, Gen, Having Faith, Loss of Faith, On Hiatus, Pre-Canon, Questioning, Questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3483032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To an angel, questions are dangerous. They're the gateway to doubt and loss of faith and falling. But for some, it's the only way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Questions and Free Will

She was there when Eve bit into the apple. She knew that Lucifer's mischief was afoot; she knew that everyone was in uproar. God was hurt. The angels were disappointed with these _humans_ that they were made to bow down to. 

Anael didn't care about any of that. Well, maybe it was a little bit of a lie. She cared that Father was not happy; she cared that her siblings were disheartened. 

But she could _understand_ Eve. 

She would never side with Lucifer, and she had a feeling Eve never meant to. He only opened her eyes a little wider than they were before. It was not an act of disobedience, she had defended to one of her siblings. She cannot remember what one. She just heard them muttering about how _these pathetic creatures were supposed to be better than us? They are weak and disobedient._

'How would you feel if you could chose between one man, and the knowledge of the world?' She had questioned. 

They had shrugged her off. _He was the perfect man; she was made from his own bone._

'Perhaps.' She had retorted, fixing them with a stern glare. 'But still just a man.' 

***

Abel's screams haunted here for the longest time. He was Lucifer's vessel and he had to be destroyed. They all knew that; she had convinced herself of that. 

But to see brother kill brother - to see angels cheer Cain on. To see them turn on him the second his brother's blood splattered his hands. 

She hadn't been allowed to lead him to the water to clean his hands. The second Abel's soul entered heaven… she was ordered to leave Cain to rot. 

_We call ourselves brothers and sisters ourselves. Is this what Father wishes for fraternity?_

Eremiel had told her to be quiet in fear of their safety. She closed her mouth and returned home.

***

She found out about the Great Flood from one of her few superiors. She had to gather her garrison and help them raise the seas. It was a proud task to be given to carry out. It was to give Earth a fresh start; almost a cleansing resolution. 

She positioned her angels accordingly. They were to watch to make sure Noah and his family, and the creatures God had chosen to spare made it on the ark. Then she was to give the order. 

At first she had almost forgot it. She had saw the people try to climb on after them; begging them for forgiveness. _We didn't do anything wrong! Please let us onboard! I have young children; do not let them die!_

Anael had almost slipped away to stop herself from giving that order. How did these people deserve to die? She didn't think they did. But her Father did. That was enough to remind her that she had a duty to carry out. 

Everyone was on the boat and so she turned to her sister. 

_Raise the seas. Let the Great Flood commence._

The screams from the drowned were easier to forget than Abel's. 

After all, they all stopped after the water started to rise. Abel's echoed - a constant stream in her mind.

***

 _They're coming to Heaven! They're trying to get to us!_ Some had called in a panic. The archangels had just shrugged it off, though. They were nothing more than humans. Although Father assumed them his greatest creation, the were inferior in terms of skill. 

The Tower of Babel didn't get very high. It didn't last very long either. 

Her father had taken it as another sign of disobedience and let the tower fall. The men fell with it, and when they did, they no longer spoke the same tongue. Confusion spread among the people, followed quickly by fear. 

Anael watched as they tried to understand the other; as they tried to understand men who used to be their friends - their brothers. 

She took her concerns to Father this time. Surely, He would understand. 

He didn't. 

She can still remember Michael dragging her away. She is not sure what happened afterwards, but when she heard the humans talk again, she said nothing. 

There was a niggling in the back of her mind though. Something that told her something wasn't right.

***

Anael was the one who stopped Abraham from harming Isaac. 

It was also through her that he received the message. _Take your son to Mount Moriah, build a large, beautiful sacrificial alter. And upon it, sacrifice your son._ It had been hard getting those words out of her vessel's mouth. 

But she had managed it and that was all that mattered. She had returned to heaven once she had fulfilled her mission. She had no idea what God had in store for Abraham and Isaac. She had no idea if it were His intention to let Isaac die.

She watched as Abraham built the pyre, even coaxing Isaac into helping him. Something stirred within her, seeing the young man lump piece after piece of wood together, helping to build his own death bed.

Her entire being ached to go and rescue him from the cruelty that was about to befall him, as his father declared the pyre finished and the sacrifice ready to begin. But she knew better than to move.

Instead she stood aside and watched as father struck son from behind, wrestling him to the ground in order to tie him securely, and then hoist him onto the pyre. Tears streamed down Abraham's eyes and it settled something in Anael, to know that even loyal men like Abraham also felt grief at God's cruelty. 

He drew the blade from its sheath and placed it against his son's throat, ignoring the way Isaac plead for his life. 

He said his prayer - he offered his son to God, and was just about to slice when Anael heard it. _Stop him_. 

She needed no more convincing and made it to Earth, calling out a loud shout to startle Abraham away from his son. The blade clattered to the ground and Anael spoke, 'You have proven yourself devout. Untie your son and sacrifice the lamb over there,' she lifted her hand and pointed to the young sheep trapped in some thickets. 'Then return to your people. You have done well, Abraham.' 

She stayed until she saw the impossibly wide smile spread across Abraham's face as he rushed to untie his son, and then returned to Heaven with no other thoughts, but only one question: _had He always intended to stop? Or was it just a late, rash decision?_

Either way, maybe He was creeping a little close to an uncrossable edge.

***

'Father do not let them do this!' Anael shouted, wrenching herself free from the grasp of Gabriel, throwing herself to the feet of Father - to the feet of God. She kneeled, gazing up at Him with a pleading gaze. 'They are but children! Babies! How can you allow the _slaughter_ of your people!?' 

'Everything has its purpose and meaning, Anael.' Father had replied. 'You will come to see this in time.' 

'I can not see how this can have a meaning. Think of the blood on your hands - think of all the _dripping_ blood that is stained upon your hands. Upon _our_ hands because you have sullied us with your "justice".' She spat the last word at Him.

His eyes flashed and she knew she had gone too far, but it did not matter. She had got her message across. 

She will admit to anyone that she cowered with His booming _ENOUGH!_ but she still felt some sort of achievement, even as Michael dragged her away to darkness. 

And in that darkness, she stayed for a long time. 

***

The thing that stuck with her after being released was witnessing the fall of Samson. She hadn't witnessed his rise. A sister filled her in. God gave him strength in his hair, and he would grow stronger and stronger if he didn't cut his powerful, magical locks. 

But he fell in love with a woman named Delilah, who learnt about his secret and betrayed him. The enemy kidnapped him and cut his hair. After that they did everything to him; blinded him, tortured him and broke him.

Yet they forget to keep his hair short, and so when Anael was finally released, he was being let out as a novelty and he tore the pillars down around him. He killed everyone inside, defeating the Philistines but taking himself with it. 

He didn't even get to hear Delilah's side of the story - hear how she was bribed and threatened into discovering his secret; does not find that she was never the same again after betraying him; could never _forgive_ the woman he loved. 

But Father's words stuck in her mind: _everything has a purpose and a meaning, Anael, you will come to realise this._

So she put it to the back of her mind. The only thing that mattered was the will of Father - not the will of men.

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> i’m on [tumblr](http://runningwithshewolves.tumblr.com) and [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lottielovebuzzs-Fanfiction/154475354679423)! come and say hi!!


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